Does Someone at Work Treat You Badly?/How to Handle Brutal Bosses, Crazy Coworkers...and Anyone Else Who Drives You Nuts
Reviewer/Reader Feedback: "a guide to dealing with bullies, backstabbers, incompetents, harassers, and other office offenders. Every office has one...and sometimes, more than one. They can make you dread getting up in the morning even if you like your job-and they can interfere with everyone's efficiency and productivity. Dr. Leonard Felder explains how to deal with them, get the respect you deserve, manage relationships, and keep the workday running smoothly."
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Date: 11/24/2004 10:31:00 AM
I work with my mother in law and my wife in a sales type job. My mother in law is pretty much the person in charge, my wife is a sales person and I handle all of the technical aspects.
She is usually nice, but some times I swear I think she is trying to tick me off! She will ask a question I will answer it in the most direct way I know and she will say that I did not listen to the question; when the real problem is she did not listen to the answer. She asks why a task is not been completed when she has not even assigned the task (new tasks not remedial). Its not that specifically that I find so irritating, its the way she expresses it. She does it in a belittling tone sometimes boarding belligerent. She makes me feel stupid. And it is more irritating when she does it to my wife! Although I figure my wife has dealt with this all her life and I stay out of it. But it still irritates me. I love my mother in law, but my anger is building with every little nudge, I don't know what to do...
Date: 9/7/2005 2:07:00 AM
Should give a suitable reply there and then and it should be done with confidence as you are not at fault and can not be held responsible for non compliance of the said jof.It invariably happens that one is cornered till one resiprocates.Your wife also should do the same and you should both stand together whenever such unnecessory problem occurs.
Do not let your wife excepect that it is her mothers nature.It is her nature and she should suffer and not others.
If problem persists both of you quit at the same time and join a new job.
Date: 9/17/2005 12:15:00 AM
I work with my mother in law as well, I work on the sales aspect and my husband.. is the designer and the brain, if you will, of the business. I can empathize, needless to say. I'm having my own problems working with my mother in law, distinct but somewhat similar considering the situation, so I hope I can help you with some of yours...
My advice, if you're open to it, you need to keep writing in columns like this to let out your anger or talk and complain to your wife, scream, whatever it takes because if it builds up, things can only get worse and the consequences are worse than the actual situation. You are dealing with a delicate situation because you are in a family situation. My husband is really good at taking perspective and tries to balance the two, his wife adn his mother, which is difficult at times. He expects me to be the stronger one, because at the end of the day, I am the one he counts on, he just tries to deal with his mother.
However, OJO, be careful, her mother is not always right and oftentimes, parents and children are SO used to their relationship together that it can actually be destructive or hindering to the business becasue those habits or "expected" behaviours can be the hardest to change and the most necessary sometimes.
I'd like to hear more....
Don't tell your mother in law off, use your management techniques, manipulative techniques to get what you want. You will both win in the end, and probably the business too.
good luck !
Date: 10/3/2005 11:21:00 AM
I work with someone that talks about nothing all day...... I try to tune them out, but after 3 hours it becomes very difficult.
Date: 11/14/2005 9:47:00 AM
If you don't give them any feedback, they
finally stop. If you are preoccupied with
your work, it will make it obvious you
aren't listening very well.
Date: 1/28/2006 9:00:00 AM
I am an administrator of a health care facility. I have been there for a little over two years (1year as Asst Admin and 8 months as Admin). Since I got a defenciency free survey last month I was praised for the great job I am doing, etc. This month my boss and new HR Director took it upon themselves to come to my facility to help resolve an employee issue that I was having. The HR Dir decided that it was a good idea to interview all of the employees without my presence. I did not think that was a good ideal, but couldn't stop it. It's been my experience, even though you have a good repoire with employees they will stab you in the back if they get a chance, not realizing it could put the persons job in jeapordy. Anyway, I've have spent the last 2 weeks under a microscope. I have been insulted, harrassed and humiliated over insignificant complaints such as serving Cokes and potato chips for a resident Christmas party! To make a long story short, the HR Dir decided I need more training as an Administrator, so they have relieved me of my duties, mostly supervising the employees and want me to train for the next 30 days. Depending on how I improve will determine whether I get my position back. Do you have any suggestion as to any rights I have or recourse I can take to get my position back?
Date: 7/15/2006 2:31:00 PM
Find another job,they are underminding you and you will never regain the respect you need to perform in administration.
Date: 8/11/2006 7:54:00 AM
My boss has no set rules. They change daily to meet her mood. We have signs posted everywhere on a daily bassis, that do not apply to her. She verbally abuses me and other coworkers infront of clients. She always tells us how good she treats us and will tell clients that we are over paid. Everything is always someeles fault and never her own. We also have a coworker who I think might be chemically inbalanced, that can come and go as she pleases and nothing is ever said. This co worker doesn't help with any duties around the buisness and really causes more work for everybody eles. I love my other coworkers and we work on commission and earn our own pay. I have worked at other places and because of the location this is the most profitable.
Date: 11/30/2006 2:28:00 PM
find a new job
Date: 12/20/2006 4:37:00 AM
I have been in my current job as an marketing & admin assistant. I have been yelled at, harrassed, verbally abused. You name it I got it. I have never been really appreciated on what I have been doing and how much I have done for them. My health has suffered severly. Its been about 4-5 months that this new chick has stepped in the office as she is the best thing that ever happened to the boss and now I'm an extra nothing. She has done so many personal phone calls and mistakes that it's ok for her to stuff up, but me it's like OMG what have you done expression and attitude that you should be fired. No one likes me there. I'm pregnant now and in a few months I'll be on maternity leave and I'm definelty not going back to that job.
Date: 6/22/2007 6:59:00 PM
I work as an warranty administrator and there is this woman i work with who takes it upon herself to constantly correct my work even though i do a good job, she criticizes and never says anything nice, shes nice to my face but behind my back she talks about me to other co-workers, thing is my boss likes her alot and they have little "meetings", i am so fed up with it i get sick just thinking of going to work and dealing with this woman any suggestions?
Date: 7/25/2007 12:43:00 AM
i have been working in this organization for over three years in teh same department. I am a person who does the job and is somewhat of an introvert and tries to stay away from trouble as much as possible. My bosses boss, one day called me in his office cubicle and insulted me in front of other employee and i was not involved in the matter in any way. i just haapen to be passing by his cubicle. Anyway, i did not respond and ignored it then and he managed to harrass me the second day too, again infront of another employee, when i asked why this is happening to me he started making personal remarks on my physical appearance. This episode is over a month old now but a sense of disgust is there in my mind for my bosses boss. i feel pressured. I cant seem to forget the personal comments he made about me in front of other people and i seem to hate myself for not acting harshly and lashing back. the whole scene keeps coming back to me all the time when i am in office. Such things happen off and on in life but we ignore but somehow this time i am not ableto take it. I do not know how to handle this. please suggest what to do.
Date: 9/8/2007 7:27:00 PM
I try to be grateful and humble in the position I have with my company. I have been with the same company for 21 years. I recently did not get a promption because I did not have enough outside work experience. Because of that I have been looking for another job, to gain experience. My current company does not want me to leave, but my boss is trying to tarnish my reputation but is having a really hard time because the people around him know what he is saying is false. I do not want this company to think I am leaving because of him, but because I need outside experience to get ahead. I have all the degrees, certificates and work experience in the industry just not outside so they don't feel I bring anything new. I love the job I do, but will never get any higher than I am today due to the view of me not having enough outside experience. I have read several of the above comments and you all seem very very educated in so many areas...I was wondering what you thought.
As far as the harrassment in the above article. Call the state labor office, they will investigate for you without anyone know you called. OR they will get you to the right people to help you. That is if you are uncomfortable speaking with your HR department. I will pray for you to make the right decision, but that harrassment is wrong and must stop. Good luck.
Date: 9/17/2007 9:29:00 PM
While on-line looking for helpful information regarding a delicate situation at work, I ran across this website. While it must not be too popular (not a lot of postings and some are quite old), I am disgusted at the lack of proper grammar, and the spelling is just awful! All of you need to go back to school - elementary school, apparently! Please!
Date: 10/9/2007 2:48:00 PM
I just got anew job us a sales lady,the first day i went for my interview my new boss told me to go and meet my manager for a quick training .I went for the training and i started working there .so i told them the boss did not tell me my salary .When the boss came they called me to speak to him when i asked him about my salary he told that time he 's little busy he will tell me on a certain date, so far the date he told me has passed and still i dont know how much is my salary what should i do?
Date: 10/21/2007 1:10:00 PM
I have been working for a well know company for 9 years. I've went beyond my job desciption and have recieved huge awards and bonuses from the highest boss in the company for 3 years. My coworker who has been there 3 years longer than I have is the favorite with my local boss. I have been verbally harrassed threatened stalked in the parking lot through out this time. I told my local boss but all its gotten me was nothing and the coworker was given a award. I was recommended for her job by her but then it for some reason was all taken away. Behind close doors I have to listen to how much he hates her and the company and just wait they will get it. I told my local boss everything that was done and said. Now I sit totally confused and the only reasonable explanation to all this is he is her favorite. How do I overcome this and no matter what keep being a good employee.
Date: 10/27/2007 3:05:00 AM
What I would do if my boss or coworker verbally abused me would be to get some illegals drop it into a place when they are out of the office take a break go down the pay phone. Call the cops from a pay phone tell them he burned you on a drug deal and you are turning him in for it. He'll spend a couple years in jail maybe and also get fired. If The boss is treating everyone badly you tell their boss you with strike if they do not fire this person.
You can record the abuse and hand it to your local news media giving the company negative publicity. They'll likely fire this person to fix their reputation and no one will want to hire him. If he has a convinction of possesion, is know for being abusive and was fired because the employees striked to have him fired then likely no one will hire this person again. Try it you'll like the results.
Or you could could put some LSD into the individual's coffee everyday until people think he's crazy and they take him to the mental ward. If people did things like this to backstabbers there wouldn't be any
Date: 11/26/2007 5:13:00 PM
I am a supervisor for three customer service reps for a small semiconductor supplier. One of the CSR's who reports to me has decided that she no longer wishes to be civil towards me. I have no complaints about her work, but the working conditions within the group are effected by her coldness towards me. I would appreciate advice regarding how to approach her behavior, when there is no complaints about the work she performs.
Date: 12/6/2007 8:51:00 PM
I have been with the same company for 7 years and had no problems and a new person female employed less than one year became my boss and she tells lies on me makes me look like a trouble maker has our main boss calling me and telling me to shape or... I try and explain that it is not what she has made it out to be, but the main boss does not believe me. what do you do?
Date: 5/12/2008 11:43:00 AM
I have been working for a company for 8 years. I have been tossed around in numerous positions like a ragdoll. Recently given a written warning for mistakes that I made. However nobody said well you walked into a firepit having approximately 1000 files to bill out. I have tried to explain my stress and have been made fun of and always have been told I am not good enough. I see others who are so unhappy there. I pray that what truly goes around comes around and that I am able to find something where I am truly appreciated.
Date: 9/17/2008 11:37:00 AM
My boss favors a certain employee. He got angry at a members meeting and told everyone that a specific employee would never be fired as long as he is there. He states he doesn't answer to anyone and that he runs things. She lacks on her job duties, decides when she wants to show up to work (has even been a no call no show with no punishment), closes whenever she wants and he backs her up saying afterwords that he said it was ok, writes one time on her time card and sets the alarm for the building earlier when she leaves (closes early and still writes full hours on time card). This employee has left harsh messages on my phone, tells customers terrible things about me when I am not there. When complaints about this employee are brought to my boss, he ignores them, lets her make her own schedule. If I know she will never get fired for doing whatever she wants and he will never listen to a valid complaint, what do I do? Besides these two I love the job and everyone else
Date: 11/1/2008 5:54:00 PM
I am a coach in an ice skating rink & many of us have been dealing with a bully boss. He had physically abused 2 coworkers & they PROMOTED him! He has been verbally abusive to many of the females in the office as they are teenage girls. I complained to his boss 4 weeks ago about the fact that he follows me around the building staring me down & Im afraid of him as he has hurt 2 employees. My next complaint was 3 weeks ago when he walked onto the ice & stood almost nose to nose with me & each time I stepped away from him he stepped right in front of me again. this went on several times. When i went into work today my boss said that the building manager told her that he didn't want to hear any more complaints about the guy & that we should tell her & not to let the owner know anything about any more problems. Today when he moved from place to place staring me down with folded arms looking ominous my students said let's wave at him & they did. I pushed their hands down & told them not to get me in trouble. I went to my boss she talked to him he denied everything. Then some secretary came up & told me i was a troublemaker. she accused me of telling the kids to wave & i said if you really were watching you would have seen me yell at them for doing so. she told me that if it was a choice between me & him they'd fire me! i said i have a legal right to feel safe where i work. she told me that i would be fired so i said maybe i should get a lawyer & she got snotty & said maybe you should you are a troublemaker. Can they fire me for complaining about a bully? what can i do?
Date: 11/10/2008 8:05:00 AM
my boss treats me like rubbish. she looks only likes people like her; who doesn't have a husband, or kids, who dresses expensively to look nice; simply she likes people who doesn't have beauty (like her very self). Funny thing is every time she scolds me, i could not fight back, sometimes i think it's not worth it. However, i find myself waking up in the middle of the night thinking and coming up with stuff on what i should have said to that witch! It goes on about 2-3 days and then i got over it. Got more other things to think about, besides, i have a life with a loving husband and a beautiful baby girl..i'm happy enough not to mess my head with unimportant and miserable old hags... ;) oh, to add; WOMEN ARE NOT SUIT TO BE LEADERS IN ANYTHING AT ALL... And that is a fact.
Date: 11/20/2008 8:23:00 PM
Women are suit to be leaders you just need to learn to deal. You shouldn't let someone treat you that way. If you do, it's your own fault. I never have and I never will, regardless of jobs being hard to find my happiness and respect for myself are much more important. You lose that you might as well lose it all. You let 1 person walk on you, they all think they can. There will always be another job if you know how to get it. I will find another job or solve the issue. And truth be told: THAT IS THAT.
Date: 12/5/2008 11:09:00 PM
Good or bad, feel lucky that you are working and making atleast some kind of money to pay electricity, water, and a roof over your head. Keep the faith...better days will come. Good luck to all!
Date: 12/12/2008 3:56:00 PM
my boss throws trash at me, what should i do?
Date: 1/23/2009 1:21:00 PM
call his wife and inform her of the affair he's trying to have with you.
Date: 2/6/2012 7:56:00 PM
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